Fat Pete’s

Fat Pete’s is a Christmas Eve tradition for us. Well, first getting wasted while painting pottery. Then Fat Pete’s. We weren’t able to go two weeks ago on account of vacation and we had to finish some painting projects this afternoon (beware the large serving plate and the perfectionist engineer husband), so I was excited to mozy over to Fat Pete’s afterward. By 7, I was starving.

We decided to share the 3-meat platter, which comes with two sides. We got sliced brisket, smoked turkey, and pulled pork with collard greens and mac and cheese. We didn’t get anything special to drink because 1) they don’t have particularly special beers, 2) We’d already had two bombers to drink at pottery, 3) I’ve had Fat Petes’ DC Hurricane before and only barely lived to tell the tale, and 4) You’re not here for the fancy drinks, you’re here to eat a goddamn pile o’ meat.

And then, we waited. And waited. And waited. All while the servers brought out tray after tray of smoky meats and fried friedness. Realistically, we probably didn’t wait that long, but it always feels like a long time at a BBQ place because your food is supposed to come immediately, and also when you need something in your belly besides alcohol. Finally, it arrived:

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The collards are soft, bitter, and smoky; nice oniony flavor. The cheese sauce on the mac is thick and creamy in an addictive way. The sliced brisket was hit-or-miss: I was happy because I prefer the drier pieces generally. It had a nice smoke ring and solid bark, but maybe could have used more seasoning on the outside. There were fattier pieces too, but my pit-master husband holds brisket to an unattainable standard, so he was slightly disappointed. The smoked turkey was…weird. Maybe I expect a drier texture from cooked turkey? It was moist and all, and not to the point of nasty slimy deli meat turkey, but sort of reminiscent of it? Perhaps this is my fault. If I didn’t want turkey, why did I order turkey? I don’t even like turkey.

The star was the pulled pork, which was moist and porky. Definitely more my speed. For my sauce review, I will say this: Fat Pete’s has variety. I do not recommend the white sauce which is basically just mayonnaise. Where are we, Minnesota? No, you’re better than that. The vinegar sauce is thin but fine if you’re a Carolina kind of person. The mustard sauce is strong and yummy; it was great on the brisket, although I don’t recommend it for the turkey unless you want a risk a PTSD flashback to your brown bag lunch from elementary school. The mop sauce is very savory and interesting, but not interesting in a way that made me crave more. You can’t go wrong with a suicide of their sweet sauce and spicy sauce, though. Throw some mustard in there if you’re feeling crazy. This is a great complement to all meats.

Price: $15 per person.

Bottom line: I think Fat Pete’s tastes REALLY GOOD when you’re at least a 7/10 level drunk. You’re not? Then get your ass in the car and drive to DCity.

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