Mosaico by Arepa Zone

Ah, blood donation. My bimonthly excuse to cheat on my diet (jk I cheat everyday!) and order a large amount of red meat. It’s hard to find something that really fits the bill on UberEats, but I came upon Mosaico inside La Cosecha at Union Market. And if you’re looking for a cheat meal, Mosaico has you covered.

I described arepas to my husband as “it’s like a pupusa and a pita had a baby.” We picked our preferred arepas. “Let’s get the tostones trio, too,” he said. “I don’t think the arepas will be big enough.” You don’t have to be a literary scholar to recognize some bleak foreshadowing here.

Our order arrived right on time. Starting with the tostones, here are the thoughts:

In a normal, non-takeout food world, I imagine that the tostones trio would be three fully distinguishable mini tostones sandwiches, featuring one each of bean, chicken, and beef. As it was, it occupied a middle ground between neat, orderly sliders and a garbage plate. I mean, it was freaking delicious. Maybe too delicious. Coleslaw and spicy sauce made it like next-level nachos. And everyone would prefer tostones to chips in their nachos.

I talked my husband into the pibil arepa because cochinita pibil is one of the great joys of life. It was positively stuffed with tender pork and cheese. The meat was good, if slightly dry. The whole thing could have used more sweet-spicy pibil sauce. The outsides of arepas are kind of dry and crispy, greasier and denser than a pupusa. So if you’re in the mood for carbs on carbs on carbs, this one’s for you. Also, in case you missed the lesson on foreshadowing back in middle school, it was huge.

My husband always makes his food look so beautiful for pictures but I am way too lazy and impatient for that So when you see photos of sandwiches that look like they just rolled out of bed after a three-day bender, you know they’re mine. So anyway, here’s my ugly-ass arepa. In this case, it’s fitting. I got the pabellón, which is like all good, greasy things stuffed inside a greasy shell. Sweet plantains, savory meat, a pile o’ beans, and their special mayo made this the ultimate. I definitely got my iron.

Price: $15 per person.

Bottom line: Mosaico/Arepa Zone will definitely satisfy your hunger, and the food holds up really well to takeout/delivery, provided that you don’t care about eating something pretty. It teeters on the edge of drunk food in the best possible way. Will cheat on my diet again.

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